


Similar Collusions

by rvrie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert, i literally have no idea what im fuckin doing but. please enjoy lol, it gets a little saucy. I APOLGOZIE, lots of sad Reiner moments! lots of said reader moments!, ok a lot saucy! i simp, the timelines and facts dont make ANY sense please Forgive My Soul but I Try
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-28 00:40:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvrie/pseuds/rvrie
Summary: You didn't expect to fall in love in Paradis. Now, back home in Marley, you struggle to reconcile with your past. Reiner Braun understands. Maybe that's more than enough.
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Reader, Reiner Braun/Reader, Zeke Yeager/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello :) this is my first fic. I'm sorry it's gonna be a long one lol! I will be posting every three days so feel free to follow my twitter for updates! https://twitter.com/revquiem

In the early morning hours of a sweet spring day, you could think only of your own terrible grief. Things weren’t as bad as they could be, that much was true, but still you were suffering.  
It all started back in Paradis, when a letter had come. It had looked just like the letters he would send, but when you saw it, you knew, somehow, that this one was different. The handwriting on the back confirmed the matter, written with looping cursive, a fluidity of penmanship he had never been quite able to master. His writing was cleaner, straighter. Slanting down the further it went. _With deepest condolences I regret to inform—_

You had fallen to your knees, holding the letter to your chest as if you had just been dealt a terrible blow. It was your fault. It wasn’t unexpected. You knew that it was a possibility, hell, a probability. That didn’t change how badly it hurt, though. There were plenty of people who still relied on you. Still, after all this time, after all the distance you had travelled, you could still feel that letter in your hands, heavier than anything you had ever held. You could still hear his voice still rang between your ears, resonant and clear as a bell, calling your name, calling,

“—(YN)?”  
You shrieked, startling so violently that you nearly fell out from the windowsill where you were perched. A woman stood in the doorway, leaning heavily on a wooden crutch.  
“Pieck!” You dusted your skirt off and straightened quickly, feeling your face flush with embarrassment at being caught so violently off-guard.

“I made us all some breakfast,” she smiled, brushing a stray piece of unbrushed hair from her face. “Since you’re already awake, come down and eat with us, won’t you? You’ve been looking a little ill since you’ve come back.”

“Is Zeke awake?”

She cocked her head slightly, inquiring. “Yes, he’s awake. He’s been asking to see you too. I think he misses you.” She winked playfully. The thought of him made you feel sick to your stomach. His fault. All his fault. You weren’t allowed to be mad at him. He was doing his job; you were doing yours.

“Okay,” you pulled your shawl tighter around your shoulders. “Thank you, Pieck, really…” You trailed off. She smiled softly, sympathetically, before hobbling over to your bed and sitting down and patting the quilt next to her, gesturing for you to sit down. You did, and she slung an arm around your shoulders and squeezed you into a side-hug.

“It must have been hard.” She said simply. “I’m proud of you. You did a great job. You can rest now, though. You did what had to be done. Don’t disappear on all of us now. Reiner needs you, still. Without you, he has no-one, there is no-one who can understand. We all need you, too, if for no other reason than to help translate your records. You use too much shorthand.” She chuckled and bumped your shoulder with hers, eliciting a small smile. Pieck always knew how to cheer you up. You had missed being able to spend time with her, your best friend, even if she didn’t understand what had happened since your departure with the Warrior Unit in 847. If she knew the way your loyalties had wavered, the way they were still wavering, would she still be your friend? No, you amended. You didn’t want to think of these things now. It didn’t matter now, you were home.

“Good morning,” Porco handed you a plate of eggs, toasted bread with strawberry preserves and thin-sliced ham. It was warm, and when you held it you couldn’t help but remember how meager the food in Paradis was. The sunlight streamed in through the gauzy curtains of the cozy little kitchen, illuminating the two men who were already seated at the table in golden halos. Reiner was still in his rumpled sleep clothes. Zeke’s bleary eyes assessed you, looking you over once and then once more. You couldn’t read him, you had never been able to. “Mornin’, (YN).” He croaked, and then took another bite of his toast.

“Morning.” You replied, folding your skirt underneath you as you sat down next to Reiner. He looked even worse than you felt. His dark circles looked like bruises. You wondered if he slept at all anymore. All the same, seeing his familiar face sent a sharp and bright shard of happiness through your heart.

Reiner said nothing. He didn’t have to. With one long sidelong glance, he conveyed a multitude of sentiments that shouldn’t, wouldn’t be said. “Today is beautiful. We should all go have a picnic, just like the old days.” Pieck smiled. “I’m sure (YN) would like to meet Gabi again! It’s been so long.”

Zeke tapped the table absentmindedly. “We’ve got lots to do, still. We can’t let our guard down now that Reiner and (YN) are home. All the same, I suppose some celebration is in order.”

You took a bite of your toast. A soft breeze swept the hair from your face and you closed your eyes, remembering a time before, a time when all you worried about was what you might wear on a picnic and whether or not Zeke thought you were pretty. When Reiner and Marcel and Annie and Bertolt were children to you, despite being only three years your junior. When you arrived in Paradis, you were their chaperone, really. You had felt so grown up, back then. How little you knew.

“(YN).” You looked up, straight into Zeke’s half-lidded gaze. “I haven’t thanked you properly, for your work. You did wonderful. You are incredibly talented. Your illustrations and your documentation… It was invaluable to all of us. Nobody else could have done it quite like you. Thank you.”

You swallowed so hard that you almost choked. The bread felt stuck in your throat, and you took a hasty sip of water to wash it down. 

“I’m glad.” You muttered. “I tried my best.”

If only he knew what you did with the enemy commander. How many times you did it. The enemy commander that he had killed. Maybe he did, you wouldn’t be surprised -- Zeke was sharp, but you were the last one anyone would expect to stray so far from your mission.


	2. Sin, Lust, Love

Chapter Two  
It was a perfect day for a picnic by the river. Birds fluttered overhead the treetops, calling to one another. If you stared up at the sky, you could almost imagine you were back in Paradis. Reiner looked tired, almost absurdly pale under the dappled shade of the patchy forest greenery. He stared at the grass, not touching the food you had helped prepare. The others were chatting amongst themselves, except for Zeke, who had evidently fallen asleep against a tree trunk, his legs stretched out across the blanket and his glasses slightly askew. You didn’t like this, whatever it was. A return to the old days. You hated it, in fact, but still attempted to pretend you were enjoying yourself.

It reminded you too much of another day. A day you spent with Erwin before everything all seemed to happen at once. A truly happy day. This, in comparison, seemed like nothing more than a cheap party trick, a charade.

All the same, spring was in full bloom, unfurling its flower petals and tree buds with a quiet, graceful confidence, and you were grateful to be witness to it. You knew that you probably shouldn’t be alive right now, it was by pure luck that you had beat the odds and survived. A bold grey cluster of clouds gathered at the horizon, but for now, the air was bright and sunny and warm. You were here. You were safe. You had lost friends, but Reiner had made it out alive, and so had Zeke and Porco and Pieck. You could almost ignore the latent ache in your heart if you thought about what you still had, what had yet to be taken from you. If you could just forget his face, his words, maybe it would be easier to heal, but you didn’t want that. You wanted to remember him, every beautiful feature of his.

You closed your eyes and imagined his face, his words, the whispers of hope he had lent you on a day almost as carefree and quiet as this.

“What do you think is outside of these walls? Beyond here? Beyond all the titans?”  
His words had hit you like a freight train, the kind that only existed back in Marley, your one true home.  
You propped yourself up on an elbow. The reeds on the lake breathed with the late-summer breeze. Grass tickled your side as you lay, wearing only your slip and panties, by the side of the lake. “Another world. One where things are different, better. Or maybe not, maybe there’s nothing but monsters.” You fixed your eyes on him, admiring the way the light reflected off of the water and into his baby-blue eyes. For someone so… Commanding, for lack of a better word, his eyes were the softest, gentlest blue you had ever seen.

“Sometimes, I dream about the outside,” he laughed, but the sound was humorless. “It’s silly, I know. Last night I dreamt...” He trailed off, a light rosy tint dusted his cheekbones. “I think about it a lot. What could be out there for us.”

You felt your heart seize with guilt and pain. You wished you could tell him everything. About Marley. About the titans. About the trains and the locomotives and the festivals, about the endless, meaningless wars.

It was a lie. You were lying to him. If you could just summon the courage to tell him about Marley, about your mission… About the coordinate, and Ymir, but that would mean sacrificing Annie, Reiner and Bertolt. It would mean sacrificing everything and everyone who you loved. Besides, he might not even believe you.

You rolled over on your back and closed your eyes. There was a splashing sound and when you opened your eyes he was kneeling over you, cold lake water dripping off of his hair and his skin onto you. You opened your mouth to chide him, but before you could, he brought a hand up to your face and, with the softest, gentlest touch, cupped your cheek in his hand and brushed his thumb against your bottom lip, his eyes locked on yours, as if trying to memorize your face. “Beautiful,” he murmured.

You were unable to stop yourself. Something inside snapped, a thin thread of tension between you and Erwin. You pressed your lips to his and pulled him close. It felt so good, the sun-warmed silk of your slip and your soft curves beneath pressed against his cool, wet chest. His arms were covered in goosebumps, you noticed, as his hands ran down your sides, dipping at your waist, thumbs gently rubbing your hips.

“Erwin,” you whispered, your voice barely louder than a breath. “Erwin.” You had promised yourself you would stop this so many times, but the way he made you feel was addictive. It was dangerous, you told yourself. You had a mission. You were supposed to be staying out of sight, hidden in the shadows. You were a twenty-one-year old conventual, a book-keeper for the Scout Regiment. You came along for missions and you wrote about titans. You shared your work with Hanji Zoe and you compiled references for the other higher-ups while secretly detailing a comprehensive set of journals with information about Paradis life, journals that would help ensure the destruction of all of the people you had grown to care for, like Erwin and Hanji and even Levi. You watched over Reiner, Bertolt and Annie, making sure they didn’t stray from their own missions. Sometimes you patched up the uniforms of soldiers. Nowhere in your job description, given to you by either the Marleyans nor the Scouting Regiment, was it necessary for you to be spending nights in the arms of your commander and yet, you couldn’t stop yourself from needing him with every last fiber of your being.

He pressed his lips to your neck, nipping gently at the softest skin of your pulsepoint, and you sighed softly as your fingers carded through his golden hair. You wished this moment could last forever, just you and he, the feeling of his arms holding you and the scent of his, like sandalwood and clove, on a perfectly clear summer day with no work to be done, no titans to document and kill, no new deaths to mourn. It wasn’t love, no, you weren’t naive enough to believe the two of you were in love. It was something more sinful than that. Lust. He opened his mouth, eyes ablaze, and said...

“Hey, I think it’s gonna rain later, don’t you (YN)?” Zeke’s voice splintered through your daydream and you opened your eyes, feeling a light blush rise to your cheeks.

“Um, what?”

“I said, I think it’s going to rain later.”

“Oh.” He was staring at you, a certain look of intensity in his posture. “Er, maybe. I don’t know.”


	3. A Remedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied.. we're simping for reiner and we're simping NOW  
> thank you for all of the comments U_U !!! I haven't written anything in so long so receiving any support on it makes me so unbelievably happy. eventually i'll work my way around and edit all these chapters for redundancy and grammar errors but for now i'm just havin a good time (havin' a good time!)
> 
> most chapters so far have been like 1k words each but i think i am gonna start making them a little longer :O at least the next one will be ;)))))

The wind had picked up, and despite the sun’s earlier warmth, you found yourself shivering slightly as the five of you began your walk home. Reiner, walking by your side, noticed and silently shrugged his jacket off and draped it around you, despite your fervent head-shaking. It was far too big on you, but it was warm, and it smelled good, like the soft kind of fabric soap they sold in the marketplace. “Thanks.” You didn’t look at him, but fastened the top button to keep it from sliding off of your shoulders. You knew he was suffering, too. Maybe not in the same way you were, but at least you had the unwavering support of Porco, Pieck and Zeke. It seemed a slight imperceptible rift had formed between Reiner and the others since his return. Probably in part due to the death of Marcel, which you knew had been eating at Reiner for years. It wasn’t fair for them to blame him, even subconsciously, you knew that much, but they hadn’t been there to see him grow to resent himself like you had. When you were sure he wouldn’t notice, you snuck a glance at him, admiring the man he had grown to become. You remembered when he was young, when he had talked and talked about becoming an honorary Marleyan. How he had idolized you. That had changed when he joined the Scout Regiment and other pretty girls caught his attention, namely Historia Reiss. You didn’t mind, you had been swept away by someone too, someone who didn’t know what a Marleyan was, or why it mattered. Oh, you missed that part of life in Paradis.

As it were, the rain didn’t come until late that night, long after dusk. You were tidying up your dorm room, the only singlet, when the first droplets began plinking against your windowpane. You crept over to the window and pressed your forehead against the glass, closing your eyes and allowing the daily wave of grief to wash over you in full. It drowned you. The sadness was airless as like the pain had been, the time you had been injured during a mission, and you had stared up at the sky, tangled in your own ODM gear and covered in blood, gasping for breath as your vision faded in and out, vaguely aware of the adrenaline coursing through your veins. Erwin had saved you then. You hadn’t known it until later, but he had been the one who carved a slice of flesh from the titan’s neck that had crushed you with it’s meaty hand, prompting it to drop you to the ground with a thud. The pain had stayed with you, aching your spine and ribs and hips for years to come, but even that wasn’t as terrible as the images your mind conjured of Erwin’s death. 

You wanted, no, you needed a distraction.  
Reiner’s jacket. Retrieving it from it’s place on your bed, you crept down the stairs and into the room he shared with Porco Galliard. It was empty. Porco must be out. Maybe Reiner was out too.

You hesitated in the threshold for a moment, fidgeting with the hem of the garment in your hands. Where was he? Was he with someone? Who? 

“Hey, (YN).” You spun on your heel, and there he was, looming over you.

When had he gotten so tall? To your surprise, his sudden appearance didn’t startle you, nor did the sudden realization of just how tall Reiner Braun was make you feel alarmed. You realized, then, you kind of liked it, the way his height and stature made you feel small in comparison, dainty, doll-like. 

“I came to return this.” You held out his jacket, staring up at his expressionless, unshaven face. He stared down at it in your hands for a moment. “Oh, yeah. Right.” He murmured, making no motion to take it from you. His eyes met yours and you were momentarily stunned by just how desolate he looked. And then something shifted, almost imperceptibly, and a brief spark seemed to glow in his amber irises. You parted your lips to speak, but no words came. He was so close. You could feel your heart hammering in your chest. Why had you come looking for him so late at night? You had known exactly why. Admitting it to yourself was another story. It was improper for a lady like yourself to be so forward, and yet, here you were. 

He tilted his chin, and you leaned towards him slightly. There it was, again. The tension. Would it really be so terrible if the two of you were to blow off some steam? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be doing this. I was just thinking of you and I wanted to make sure you were alright,” you rambled, your face heating, but he reached for your waist and his touch stopped you. 

The way he lowered his lips to yours was so gentle that it could’ve brought you to tears. You kissed him hard, running your fingers down the front of his button-down shirt, his shoulders. “I don’t want to take advantage of you. I know about Erwin. I know you…” He whispered, swallowing hard as the two of you stumbled into the room, shutting the door behind you hard. “I know what he meant to you.” 

“Shh.” You pressed your body against his. “I don’t want to talk about that now. I want to forget.” The sad, half-living shadow of a smirk crossed his lips. 

“So do I.”


End file.
